Well today is a dairy entry. Here I am, sitting on the beach with my laptop out and shoes off; some would think trying to get a clear head. Even I the person filled with emotions and thoughts have no idea what’s beckoning me towards the waves. Be it the rare warm sunshine which shines like a saving light.
Today I experienced something new, something I feared, something I hoped to never experience again began because of it’s disastrous effect on me. From having me doubting everything thing around me to second guessing events and scenarios of the past.
I have always known I can be slow in reading the room and people’s emotions, even reading in between the lines or situations. I sometimes ask said people if they are being serious or joking and in turn get a really dumb look or my question is laughed at, while I on the other hand am being as serious as ever. This happens a lot with my Father. There are times he will say something and me, being my ever slow dim-witted self, would have no idea if he was being serious or not. Many times, this has led to many scenarios most children would probably just keep shut and act according. While I on the other hand will right out ask if he is being serious. Which is a very big no no in an Nigerian household.
Anyways, back to what happened today! I had to approach a friend I really like. I had no idea that I had done something to offend her not until I had tried to speak about our plans. It was only then that I felt that she was angry with me.
I think the real reason for me writing this is because my reaction to most things is to laugh no matter good or bad I have always used it as a defence in all situations be it in despair, having no reaction had now in turn been the added reason for tension. Something I had repeatedly done without much thought has resulted to such a serious issue. It made be wonder how many times such a thing had happened and no one approached me or said a thing. Not just that but how many times have I probably done things to be piss people off unknowingly. While I just keep talking and smiling in front of a pissed off person or someone who would very much love to probably kill me off.
I am incredibly thankful to my darling friend for actually talking to me. Even though she was baffled my the fact that I could not know. The talk was an eye opening and I loved the fact that she was a 100% honest.
So to everyone I have offended by laughing at inappropriate moments, bear with me. I am working on it!